I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
