I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
