K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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