OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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