I CAN MOONWALK!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
