in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
