doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize