just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
pray to the hookup gods
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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