if you like me you must not know who I am
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Randomize
