On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
