I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
