well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
