he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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