If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
