Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You took a bar mat shot.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
