you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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