she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize