i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
