Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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