Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
