So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
