I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
