And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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