you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
