dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
