just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just had sex bonerless
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize