My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How does one acquire holy water?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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