Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
