now i know why i became what i already was.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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