my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you didnt know i had herpes?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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