She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
