i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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