Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize