The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize