Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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