i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
