watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
