Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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