I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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