What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
