How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
