I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
