barbara walters just said penis...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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