Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I cut my penus on the lid.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
