dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
