just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize