Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
