He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
