like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
