dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
